it's all part of the process

today is a weird day, which is the ending of a weird week. this is one of those posts that i hope wil and em will read one day and know how i felt. both of them are moving to new schools this year and i will be by myself at the lower school. i remember when wil started at the middle school. i was more freaked out than he was. it seemed so foreign and so grown up compared to what i had known and been comfortable with at the lower school. those were the safe, precious years when everybody was nice (or at least tried to be) and i knew what was going on with my children at all times of the day. with middle school came new kids, new teachers, less parent involvement, a different campus and a rotating schedule.

yesterday we took wil to orientation at the upper school. this time i think the level of nervousness was about equal between the two of us. he was herded from one table to another getting his schedule, making sure we had turned in all necessary forms and then filling out a form to be drug tested. an upper school requirement. it's a good thing pb was there. it was everything i could do not to fill out the forms for him. and the jarring moment of the day was when pb nearly yanked my arm out of the socket as i tried to follow wil down the hall to the bathroom for his drug testing. no, i wasn't going in with him but it is just instinct to follow him. i can't begin to explain the gamut of emotions we were all experiencing. i'm excited for him because i know that he is going to have the time of his life. but it also means i have to let go and let him grow up.

so after this gut wrenching experience, i took em to the middle school to put her books and supplies in her cubby. ahhh, a word i am familiar with and love. the same middle school that seemed so big, new and unfamiliar 3 years ago, now seemed so small and comforting after being at the upper school. she has a cubby in her classroom, she stays on one hall for most of the day, and her name is on her desk.

i realize that this is all part of the growing up process. each stage requires a little more letting go and a little more trust that each child will be okay. it is all exciting and when i think about how much they both have ahead of them, it is also a little overwhelming. wil and em, i hope you have a great year and i promise not to peek in your classrooms and check on you. i can't anymore.